To S----

You were the first girl I ever had real feelings for and you tricked me.

I never told you this, but I was so close to falling in love with you. And you threw me around like I was a rag doll - literally.

I don't know why you have to hide the way you really feel and put up your walls like someone is going to launch an attack against you.

But it's okay. I'm not mad at you. In fact, I forgive you, even though you'll never ask for forgiveness. Even though you think that you were always right.

You'll always have a place in my heart. I'll always care about you, but I'm going to move on. I'm going to put you behind me.

But for once I'm going to say the things that I never could to your face:

1. Fuck you
2. I am good for you, so stop pushing me away
3. I hate it when you say "whatever"
4. I love the way you touch me
5. I hate it when your personality switches on and off more than a lamp
6. Your taste in music sucks
7. I'm not passive/agressive, you're just highly confrontational
8. I'm not scared
9. Hold my hand damnit
10. It's not all my fault.
11. Stop being such a bitch and admit that you're wrong for once in your life
12. Not everything is about you and your problems
13. Stop judging people just because they don't meet your standards, you're not perfect
14. I love your art
15. I miss the way you smell
16. When we weren't friends I hated you
17. My friends never wanted me to date you, but I didn't care and that should have been good enough for you
18. I hate how pretentious you are, but I find it very attractive
19. You're adorable when you play video games
20. I hate it when you act like I'm not even there
21. I hated it when you talked about R-----
22. I read your journal
23. I hated that when I read your journal I found an entry about R----
24. I miss the way you looked at me
25. You confused the HELL out of me
26. I liked it when you got jealous
27. The times when you were sweet were overwhelming
28. I still wear the necklace you gave me
29. I wanted to be important to you
30. That time you drove for hours just so that I could spend the weekend with you was amazing
31. The weekend that you were going to break up with me was awful
32. The time we had sex after that weekend was INCREDIBLE
33.The time we had sex over the summer before you left I faked it
34. The time we had sex in August made up for it
35. Your emotions are like a roller coaster ride
36. I still dream about you
37. I still want to have sex with you
38. I miss falling asleep in your arms
39. I hated the way you pushed me away
40. I can do better than you and now I know that